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earth_by_april
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Name: genevieve
Location: Birmingham, Alabama, United States
Birthday: 1/14/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: kittens in cups, artistic notebooks, macaroni, musicals, pretty books, getting messy, duct tape and godiva
Expertise: ordering at waffle house, sprinkling cuteness, crying, painting and addictive prose
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  soprettydisaster
Member Since:
8/5/2005
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| "Living is like tearing through a museum..."
"...Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking
about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering - because you can't
take it all in at once." --Audrey Hepburn
okay guys, it's time to wake up.
ever feel like you've just gotten so much into a routine, that your routine has turned into a rut when you weren't looking. one minute you were organized and flowing, the next you realize you've been asleep for the last 3 months. you all of a sudden open your eyes and you feel like you haven't seen the sun in a really, really long time. you get so overwhelmed with not having enough time to get everything done, you forget that you have all the time in the world.
i don't remember the last time i made breakfast, or took a walk, or wasn't worried about money or work or school. i don't remember the last milisecond that my mind wasn't racing. i'm telling you, growing up is a stressful business, and the further i get into my own life the more i want to crawl back into mommy and daddy's arms. they annoy the crap out of me, and they think i'm still their little baby. but you know what? sometimes the only thing you need the world is someone who wants you to stay a baby forever. and even if they annoy you, and even if you fight, your parents know you better than anyone else in the world, and they've known you the longest. my mom will always, always love me. even when i make stupid mistakes, and she knew before i even made them, she's waiting at home with open arms and a brown bag lunch and she takes care of me. and my dad, despite being confused and childish, and despite years of teenage resentment on my part, he tries the hardest at everything he does than anyone i know in my entire life. he does his absolute best at every single thing he does, whether it's zoning or being a dad or even channel surfing- he gives it his all. and sometimes when i look back at the times i was mad, and the times i got frustrated, i see that he was doing his best every single time, and that was all he could do. maybe sometimes that made me mad, but i can only assume that some day i will say to my own child "honey, i'm doing my best."
basically, all that is to say that all of a sudden, i realized i have a life to live, and i need to start living it. i'm working two jobs, i'm trying to keep a 3.5 GPA, i've got finals coming up and a christmas break where i'll be working 50 hours a week just to break even. but that's okay. and i've got to save africa and plan a christmas party for thursday and a winter festival saturday and babysitting that night and work sunday morning and it never ever stops. but i can read, and pray, and wonder, and have late-night covnersations with best friends in california, and i'll be okay.
goodness, i have to go to class. i just have to remember that when i'm teaching english for my fifth year to highschool kids and one of them tells me that they never thought they'd like reading until i was their teacher, i'm not going to remember all these times i was sad and stressed and angry and overwhelmed, i'm going to remember how excited and ready i was to get to where i'm going. i'm ready to be a grown up, ready as i'll ever be.
i write posts like these alot.
dear readers,
so you ever feel like you've grown up? do you ever finish?
i hope not.
sincerely yours,
genevieve
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| dearest lovehandles, belly flab, and cottage-cheese thighs,
i know that for so very long i have said to you sweetly, when the lights are dim, that you will diminish. that i will cease looking at you in the mirror and whispering how i despise you, and how i pray that you will disappear from my sight. for these discretions, i apologize. however, do not worry yourself, because you aren't going anywhere.
you see, it has come to my attention that domino's pizza has released a dessert pizza, which strikingly resembles the oreo-mouthgasm that cursed my freshman year and is to blame for the first-year-of-college weight gain. however, this delectable delight of trans-fats and cholesterol is oreo cookies and icing piled high on sweet pizza crust. i'm afraid that i do not have to willpower to say no to it's soothing siren song.
so in conclusion, my dearest bodonkadonk, my chubby arms and wiggling calves, my thunder thighs and triple-D breasts, get comfortable, because not only are you not going anywhere, but you might get some more fat cells to keep you company. some warm, delicious, $4 chocolate-covered fat cells. you're welcome.
sincerely yours,
genevieve
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| you're way too beautiful, girl, that's why it'll never work
okay, so it's been a stressful week. on thursday, within 4 or so hours, i went from crying because i found out i had to spend an extra year in college, completely turning my schedule on its head, and then miraculously being rescued by a kind-hearted english advisor who stepped in and swept me off my feet into the glorious i-might-even-graduate-early-land. needless to say, it's been a bit too roller-coaster-esque for my taste. but not only did i make it, but i managed to keep my schedule on tuesdays and thursdays only. i think it's all going to be okay.
in other news, i've stopped biting my nails [which is kind of good, except i have to learn to function with long nails], my relationship is back on track [aside from a few post-fight hiccups that everyone goes, through right? right], and i can finally see the floor in my room [although i can't see any other surface space, thank god]. so maybe things are back on the way they should be.
i miss my mom, though.
tons.
K<3gen
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| the weight of lies the easiest way is very rarely the right way. in fact, it is probably safe to say that it never is.
i will be a big girl. that is my new resolution. revolution. whatever you want to call it. i will no longer lie down and let things happen. i will no longer wait for good things to get themselves done. i will no longer trust those who love me to never let me down. so many times i have used the metaphor that i am standing in the road waiting for the truck to hit me. this time, i'm moving out of the way.
so many times i set myself up for heartbreak. i lay my little tattered organ out on the table, tape it together best i can, and whisper into its poor, deadened ears "don't worry, this time you will be all right." and i ignore its protests, and i do not listen to the voices that yell at me to get out, save yourself, before it's too late. and low and behold, each time i find ymself crumbled yet again, and just as surprised as ever.
this time it will be different.
it will be hard. to walk away from something, to let an infected wound heal, to give myself time and space to be safe. but the truth is that i am no longer a child, and it is time that i stood up and took care of myself. i refuse to trust that things will fix themselves. and i refuse to stick around and watch them fall to ruin. i would rather have tears tonight and tears tomorrow, than tears two or ten yeras down the road when what i thought would happen eventually, finally does, while i hold myself together and think "i knew it. i knew it. i knew it."
i am deeply, deeply sorry if i have broken your heart.
but i am finally taking care of myself.
<3gen
~
The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town
Cause nothing happens here that doesn’t happen there
So when you run make sure you run
To something and not away from
Cause lies don’t need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere | | |
| and everyone knows it whenever she flies, and also when she comes down
i know that this blog is how you all keep up with me. all the things going on in my life that i feel comfortable enough to write down on a journal that most of my family reads. of course, there are those other journals that my friends read. those are full of sad song lyrics and emotional angst so mucky i wouldn't want any of you trying to muck through it.
yesterday, i took all of those blogs down.
i might do that with this one as well.
something has happened, although i have no desire to go into what. but regardless i have decided that having any sort of emotional, vulnerable, or otherwise dangerous text out on the internet, even if you are convinced it is protected from roaming eyes, is a bad idea. so i've taken it all down.
so far, this blog seems relatively harmless, so i'll keep it up for now. and sooner or later, you guys will all have a real update to read and enjoy, i assure you.
in other news, the desire to move back to tuscaloosa is becoming more and more incapacitating every day. my manager went through so much to get me my job back, and i love it, but these days it's the only thing i look forward to, and i don't think that's enough.
i wish i could explain more, but if i get too personal, this blog would become on of the ones in the internet graveyard where all my others have gone.
goodnight.
<3gen
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